Sunday, July 01, 2007

Top Ten Fears

Today, I digress. Here are the top ten things I'm afraid of.

1. Aliens.
Seriously. I know it's stupid, but it's true. When I was young, I used to believe in Aliens and thought they were stalking me and doing experiments on me. I'm pretty sure they were trying to find out why I was so small.

2. Getting eaten by a shark.
I wouldn't go wind surfing during our Honeymoon because I was afraid of being eaten by a shark, and when I was young, part of me thought that I would be attacked while I was swimming in Lake Erie. In case you don't know, there are no sharks in Lake Erie.

3. Heights.
I like to Rock climb, but being up high makes me sick sick sick sick sick.

4. Ghosts.
When I was young I also used to think that our house was haunted. This fear was further exacerbated by stories told by my brothers about how they woke up cross legged in the basement. Believe it or not, these fears were NOT alleviated when I found a pentagram carved into a brick in basement fireplace.

5. Hook worms.
Just think about it. A worm. A hook? C'mon. Sheesh...

6. Demons.
I was 20 years old when I watched the exorcist by myself in a very nasty scary house on 17th street in Canton. After watching the movie, I couldn't sleep so I walked down the dark alleys back to my dorm room. Now, every time I move into a new place, I find myself exorcising the place by blessing each room. Of course, I do this when I'm home alone.

7. Helgramites.
If you're not an angler, you're probably not familiar with these baby Dobsonflies. Believe me, they are easily the most frightening animals alive. I will never EVER touch one with my bare hands if I have anything to say about it. I'll wrestle a starving bear before I go near one of these mad puppies.

8. The guy on the other side of the highway deciding to end it all by driving head on into my car.
It's totally possible, and frankly, I wonder why more people don't worry about it.

9. Finding out that Jesus is a lie.
I honestly wonder about it. But if I found out that Jesus really wasn't the Christ, it would pull every rug out from under me. And, well, what if?

10. Finding out I'm really just a brain in a petrie dish in Nebraska.
Who knows, maybe my brain is being plucked and prodded by some evil scientist who turns the right toothpick to make me think I'm blogging on the internet and none of this is really real.


Katie said...

ok josh... aliens poking you at night when a part of your body was asleep i always thought was understandable. hook worms... work at a vet clinic for a day. getting eaten by a shark i understand. i had a recurring dream growing up that i was at the end of the dock and someone says hey look its a shark. i lean over the edge and fall in, then the shark bumps me and i wake up... i was always afraid of sharks in lake erie too.. dont worry, i think that nightmear made it worse though. ghosts i still think the slattery's house is haunted. and the wrong way driver on the highway.. look up the news for charlotte nc and see how many wrong way drivers there have been in the past year or so. you'd be shocked. i think 3-5 people have been killed by wrong way drivers this year. its crazy, people accidently getting on the highway the wrong way cuz they are drunk. a brain in a petri dish... that just weird.

Joshua said...

It might be wierd, but it's the only fear you can't prove wrong! All the others are very unlikely, but the brain thing? No matter how unlikely it may seem, its the only one on the list that can't be proven to be false.... Scary isn't it?

joeldaniel said...

josh...this list illustrates why enjoy you so much. something about your sense of humor makes you one of my favorite people that i know, but don't ever get to spend much time with.

and, for the record, if i were you, i'd have a fear of aliens, too. ; )

marisa said...

Parasites!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

marisa said...

MY EYE!!!!!

marisa said...

I am made of cheese, because I love to eat cheese. My biggst fear in all the world is for all of the cows to die on the planet, and then there being no more cheese to eat!!!


Joshua said...

We would all poop a little more freely. Cheese is a real binder.

m said...

I was looking for some serious answers to what people fear most when I found your blog. Ha! You made me laugh. I have a son your age, but I can remember having some of these same fears when I was younger. So even though I laughed at your answers, I took you seriously.

The one I took most seriously was the one about Jesus. Let me encourage you. He is real. I met him when I was 21 years old. That was the day I pointed my finger in God's face and ASKED him point blank if he was real. He revealed Christ on the cross to me. The devil (he's real too) has tried to get me to doubt since, but meeting Jesus was too real to ever again doubt he is alive and well. convince me.

Thank you for making me smile. You reminded me of what I love about you younger folks.

Mrs. Fagan

Joshua said...

Thanks Mrs. Fagan. I'm glad you stumbled on my Blog, and I'm glad I got you to laugh. More often than not, that's my real goal with this thing. I either want people to laugh, or to think. But usually, if I'm honest, what I really want is for this to make people like me. (Isn't that why we do most of the things we do?)

Anyway, I hope your son is having a nice day. Maybe we'll see you on here again sometime.