Thursday, March 02, 2006

The Phenomenon

So, if you sit down and type crap for a minute or two on your computer, you'll get something like this:

oeimnaldkmfnaodsijfaoisdfasdfasdoifjwoaeimf'aldmf,mvio
paisdfasdfasdfpoerplmghl,adspofkdsoiaewnaldknmfoaiwehj
fpa98kmoaienal,dcmkvo8iaj;aklsdfaseewieonasdfaoditgdnh
ojff;asdkfoe48hj'[asdkgt4igamfafds98e3adij4njmbadfehrg

At first this might just look like a string of incoherent letters... but there is something sinister lurking here. There is a code here that tells us something very, very important.

Here, I'll help. Take a look again at the sting of seemingly incoherent letters. I'll capitalize the important ones for you.

oeimnaldkmfnaodsijfaoisdfASDFasdoifjwoaeimf'aldmf,mvio
paisdfASDFASDFpoerplmghl,adspofkdsoiaewnaldknmfoaiwehj
fpa98kmoaienal,dcmkvo8iaj;aklsdfaseewieonASDFaoditgdnh
ojff;asdkfoe48hj'[asdkgt4igamfafds98e3adij4njmbadfehrg

Just so you realize that I'm not talking about something that is not a real phenomenon... let me illustrate just how common "The Phenomenon" is. Notice how many times "The Phenomenon" occurs with slight breaks in our string of "incoherent" letters.

oeimnADkmDnAoDSijFAoiSDFASDFASDoiFjwoAeimF'AlDmF,mvio
pAiSDFASDFASDFpoerplmghl,ADSpoFkDSoiAewnAlDknmFoAiwehj
fpA98kmoAienAl,Dcmkvo8iAj;AklSDFASeewieonASDFAoDitgDnh
ojff;ASDkFoe48hj'[ASDkgt4igAmFaFDS98e3ADij4njmbADfehrg

Hmm... convniced? "The Phenomenon" is real. There's nothing you can do to deny that. The question is, "What does 'The Phenomenon' mean?" Good question friend.

If you take the letters asdf and convert them to morse code, you get this:

.- ... -.. ..-.

Not all that interesting. Yet.

If you convert that into binary code (with the .'s being 0's and the -'s being 1's) you get this:

010001000010

Still not intrigued? Well, it just so happens that if you convert 010001000010 into its decimal form, you get:

1090

So, asdf stands for 1090. Hmm... things are heating up. What is the significance of 1090?

The year 1090 just happens to be 2 years after Christodoulos of Patmos, supported by Emperor Alexius I Komnenos, founded the monastery of Saint John the Theologian on Patmos. Remember, the guy's name is Christodoulous and he was from Patmos (the island St. John was shipwrecked on when he wrote Revelations the Christian book about the end of the world) and he founded the monestary for St. John on the isle of Patmos. Does 1090 really connect to Christodoulous? Well, Christopher Sholes the inventor of QWERTY (the name of our keyboard layout) gave us more signs that he wanted us to look toward Christodoulous. See, the year 1090 is also the year that Yusuf ibn Tashfin conquered Granada. Home of the Moorish palace "Alhambra" which was the exact same place that Christopher Columbus went to ask Queen Isabella for money to support his trip across the sea. Mr. Sholes obviously wanted us to catch the link between Christophers, asdf, and the end of the world.

So, what does asdf tell us about the end of the world? Web developers know that asdf is the most common string of letters someone will hit if they are just playing around on the internet. Web developers have to submit keywords to search engines for their sights. In order to catch people who are just goofing around, many web developers submit the letters asdf as one of their keywords. As a result, if you search for asdf on Google, you will find over five million websites. What does this have to do with the end of the world?

Well, "The Phenomenon" is obviously tied to the internet. And the internet is also called the World Wide Web. (Which is where the www comes from.) In the Hebrew language, every letter also represents a number. The Hebrew number equivalent of "w" is the number 6. So, the World Wide Web, www, in Hebrew, is "666." This is the mark of the beast. And St. John's book of Revelation tells us that the beast will be marked 666 and everyone in the world will buy things through the mark of the beast. Internet purchasing has gone through the roof, and we are all buying things through the mark of the beast.

So, what does "The Phenomenon" tell us? ASDF tells us nothing less than "The Internet is the Anti-Christ. The Anti-Christ is here. The end of the world is upon us. If you buy anything on the internet, you will go to hell."

I guess I should write a book or something.

--------------------------------------------
For those of you to whom a point must be made with a sledge hammer: What I am really saying is that people who write books like "The Davinci Code" and "The Left Behind" series are just playing clever games. asdf means nothing. And if you really think that the painting of a red headed man behind Jesus in Leonardo Davinci's "The Last Supper" means that Jesus wasn't God, then you probably shouldn't buy anything on the Internet.

4 comments:

JR said...

Don't you have a wedding to be planning or something?

Joshua said...

Whatever... I got the names, addresses, and phone numbers of 47 different reception halls yesterday, and I called 22 of them for details. I'm taking the day off.

Dean said...

It's spooky how the ASDF just appears out of nowhere. I wanted to thank you before some sinister agency shuts you down.

Aprillyne said...

Cousin April here! So glad to see your mind is as "touched" as mine.