Monday, August 18, 2008

Awww! Spinach Biscuits!

If you care about politics, and you won't get mad at me for supporting Barack Obama, feel free to read the next three posts. If you don't care about politics at all (and I'm sure that's most of you) check this out:

That's me, NOT eating a spinach biscuit. Because, well, you pretty much couldn't pay me to eat one of these things. (Unless of course, you actually paid me, in which case I would gladly eat the whole bag for a dollar each.) It's a product of my own creation, so I have no one else to blame. But man are these green little bricks disgusting.

This is what happened: Gerber makes these things called "Biter Biscuits." They're supposed to be good for babies who are teething, and so I went to get a box. When I read the ingredients, I found that they are basically just sugar and flour. Now, I'm not crazy or anything but we decided a while back that we don't want Norah to have refined sugar for the first year. Then, I remembered that Jerry Seinfeld's wife wrote a cookbook with recipes that used vegetables. I thought, I have some spinach in the fridge. I know how to make biscuits. "Biter Biscuits" have the word "Biscuit" in them and they are good for teething babies. So I combined all of these thoughts into a nasty, hard. green brick of nasty that I call a Spinach-Oat-Yuck. Basically, I ground up a bunch of oatmeal, pureed some spinach, added a little bit of flour and an egg, and rolled out a dough. Then I baked them and when I finally put one in my mouth, I instantly remembered being a kid, sitting on the floor under the dining room table eating a box of Milk Bone Dog Treats.

Man these things are gross.

Imagine my surprise then, when I decided to see what Norah would do with one. That's right folks. She friggin' loves em. I gave her one right before her bottle thinking she'd just spit it out. Then, when she was chomping on it still fifteen minutes later, Rach took it away to give Norah her bottle. Norah started screaming as if we'd ripped her fingers off. (Until she got her bottle that is.) Much to our mutual surprise, the little bugger can't get enough Spinach-Oat Yuck. So, in the end, I have a bag of these nasty, disgusting, hard, dry, never-going-to-eat-em-myself, spinach-oat-yuck biscuits that Norah can't seem to get enough of. She's eating one now for lunch. And who knows, she might get another one for desert. :)


Tim & Deane said...

You are so inventive and creative. It never occured to me to make my own dog biscuits - let alone feed them to my children.

So, Josh, pray tell, why DID you eat dog biscuits, and why did you eat them under the dining room table? It sounds like you were terribly abused. "Poor little Joshua was forced to sit on the floor under the dining room table where he was fed nothing but stale dog biscuits - and all the while his family sat eating gourmet meals."

Joshua said...

Rach just confessed that she used to eat dog biscuits in the basement.

I ate dog biscuits under the dining room table because I found the dog biscuits, and when I started eating them, I was under the table. No real reason here other than the fact that for whatever reason I can remember a few things from when I was insanely young. Like when Aunt Carol gave me the teal Jesus cup. I don't know how old I was, but I remember aunt carol holding me and opening a white cupboard and giving me a teal Jesus cup.

I also remember eating mint flavored dog biscuits, but that was not under the table, that was next to the secretary desk/dresser thing.

I also remember standing next to a chair, peering between the seat and the back of the chair watching my mom do dishes in the kitchen and Ricky sleeping on the floor.

I also remember Ricky dying and going to see if she was in the laundry shoot.

Tim & Deane said...

Okay. I am crying now. I'm sorry I was being sarcastic. You were probably under the dining room table because that's where Ricky might have been, and you were probably sharing the dog biscuit with her. What a kind kid...

I have an insanely young memory too. I was in the car sitting on the arm rest next to my father, and I started to cry because I was very hot and had a stupid hat on my head. My dad handed me to my brother David in the back seat. He put me between him and my Grandma Bundus, who had bad breath and said, "My! She is a bad baby!" So I cried harder, and David said, "She's just hot and tired. She's not bad." And he took my hat off me. It was pink.

Joshua said...

I knew you were being sarcastic. No worries. Funny how we remember some wierd things from when we were ultra-young.

Jim Elek said...

I would love for you to bring me some spinach-oat-yuck so I can have a tea party with Norah the weekend of Sept.20. Please bring me 3 of them. I also was wondering why Josh's eating dog biscuits under the dining room table got bastardized into his eating stale dog biscuits under the dining room table. I would like to suggest that there is no f-ing way those biscuits were stale because Jer and Josh ate them so g'd fast that there were hardly ever any left for the f'ing dog- Hence, they were not stale as you claim, mother. ARREST MY FACE (aka I rest my case)!!!

Anonymous said...

I still eat dog biscuits. When mom and dad don't go shopping what else can I eat? Send me some spinach-oat-yuk maybe its higher grade dog food then i'm used to


Joshua said...

@ Jim: I will have a few Spinach-Oat-Yuck reserved for you and Norah's tea party if they don't mold over by then. Oh and regarding your claims that I ate the dog biscuits too quickly for the dog to get any, I won't comment on your allegations. All I'll say is that you apparently are very upset about it, or you would not have used such strong letters in your comment.

@ Anonymous: I don't know who you are, but I'll get a Spinach-Oat-Yuck biscuit in the mail to every man woman and child in America hoping that you'll get one. If you don't live in America however, you'll just have to tell me who you are and I'll get one to you.

Tim & Deane said...

Joshua, I believe Anonymous is your third sibling. I get the feeling he thinks coffee, beer and asundry groceries are included in the rent. But, then again, Anonymous states, "When mom and dad don't go shopping..." and since he clearly knows there is no "mom" in the shopping equation - maybe I my guess is wrong. If that is the case, that means there are non-Eleks who eat dog biscuits. I don't think that is likely.

Tim & Deane said...

LOOOOVVVVE the new header.

My word verification is "govsoomo." That seems appropriate for an election year.

Megan said...

Nice! The Shope's love the biscuit story and would like to have your recipe to feed our newly eating solid food son, Owen. Who, by the way, eats peas and applesauce together so we're certain he will love your delectable spinach creation! Glad to hear class is going well so far- tell Rach great job w/no tears on the first day of daycare! We miss you guys!
Megan for the Shope's

Joshua said...

Megan, how exciting! Yeah solid foods!

I don't know that I actually used a recipe when I made the spinach biscuits, but if I had to guess at one, it would go like this:

1 cup oats ground to powder in food processor.

1/4 cup whole wheat flour

1 cup spinach after having been pureed in food processor

1 egg

I threw the oats and flour into the same bowl, then cracked the egg into the mix and dumped in the spinach. Mix it all together into a thick dough that I then shaped into little biscuits and baked those on a cookie sheet in the oven at 325 for about 15 minutes.

After having made them, I think Norah would have enjoyed them even more if I'd added some pureed apple or banana to them.

Anyway, that's my best attempt at a recipe.